Why Catholics are Right: The Purpose of Marriage

That I’m addressing this topic on Valentine’s Day is entirely coincidental, regardless what my analyst says.

The Catholic Church has a view of marriage that is, in two principle ways, different from that of Evangelical and most Protestant churches. The first is the purpose of marriage; the second, its indissolubility.

According to Catholic teaching, the principal reason for the institution of marriage is procreation (the begetting and raising of children), and a marriage is consummated (completed) by the first act of sexual intercourse following the ceremony. It follows from this, according to Michael Coren, that every act of sexual intercourse within a marriage must be, in principle at least, open to the conception of a child. This is entirely in keeping with traditional Catholic teaching and, of course, results in the prohibition of all artificial means of birth control. "Natural” methods of birth control such as the Calendar Rhythm and Basal Body Temperature are accommodated within this way of thinking, though, since they are clearly attempts to preclude conception, it has never been clear to me why this is so.

There is, admittedly, a certain logic at work here that is characteristic of a good deal of Catholic moral teaching, and I am not one to denigrate logic. Frail beings that we are, logic, the certainer the better, is often the only thing that keeps us from running off the moral rails in a fit of unbridled self-indulgence. But, in this case, it’s the starting point that needs to be examined. Few would question the centrality of procreation to the institution of marriage, but it is not at all clear that it is the central consideration. It’s interesting to note that the biblical passage that introduces marriage makes no mention of procreation at all. The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) Not to say that children and family are unimportant, but merely that, biblically speaking, companionship is the principal reason for the institution. A childless marriage is every bit as valid as one with a dozen children; the same, however, cannot be said of a loveless marriage.

Having said this, I would add that I am supportive of the Catholic emphasis on the importance of children and family, and believe contraception, though it can be a great blessing, also affords us an opportunity to be selfish, thoughtless, and place far too little priority on children. But it also gives us an opportunity to be thoughtful, and this is where infallible edicts from above are deeply problematic.

It is very difficult to have a thoughtful discussion about a question that has already been settled and sealed without your input. In such a situation the tendency is to blindly do as one is told, or blindly refuse to do so. Thus, the adamant stance of the Catholic Church on the matter of birth control has actually fostered a good deal of thoughtlessness. For example, I know of several women who have been “on the pill” for decades because their otherwise thoughtful and loving husbands won’t, or perhaps can’t think through the need to deal with the matter. This is a magnitude of mindlessness that begs for analysis.

Michael Coren is quite frank about the fact that millions of Roman Catholics are practicing birth control in outright defiance of Church teaching. Some of these people, of course, have left the Church, but many continue to attend, participate, and receive communion, though they technically have no right to do so. This is a serious pastoral problem within the church, and should give rise to some serious soul-searching among the magisterium, but for two reasons it does not. Firstly, the idea that the Church’s teaching is infallible makes it very difficult to back up and consider a new course. And, secondly, the magisterium (Pope and Bishops) is composed exclusively of people who are, presumably, celibate.

I once asked a Catholic friend how he could justify practicing birth control in spite of the clear Catholic teaching against it. His response was immediate and concise. “If you don’t play-a de game, you don’t make-a de rules.” It’s cute and clever, and perhaps the best answer available in his situation, but it’s not the real answer. The real answer is one that, as a good Catholic, he could not give. On this one the Church just has it wrong.

Next: The indissolubility of marriage, or

One Way Out.