Herod the Great (grand, impressive, not necessarily good)

Eighteenth Day of Advent

Matthew 2:3-4 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him.

Amazing! An opportunity to speak for myself. But considering the things that have been said about me in the course of 2000 years, it’s hardly a magnanimous gesture; simple justice, and infinitely less than I deserve. But it’ll be nice to get a few things off my chest, tell you some things you probably don’t know, and point out a thing or two you should have figured out by now.

First off, you’re wondering if I’m going to confess to “murdering” all those babies. Get over it. Kings don’t confess. And suppose I denied it, would you believe me? Be serious now. You need an arch villain for that silly story you love to tell your children. And if I “confessed”, would you understand? How do you guard your kingdom from maniacs and their moron followers? How do you anticipate the arbitrary and preposterous rallying points and nip them in the bud? Have you held a throne for 39 years in an impossibly precarious situation? Do you have the focus and resolve to do whatever must be done?

And what do you know about me anyway? Do you realize that, in all the Roman Empire, I was the greatest builder of my day? Have you heard that architects, engineers, city planners and rulers came from everywhere on earth to see my palace at Herodium, my fortress at Masada, and my port city of Caesarea with its man-made, or should I say me-made deep-water harbour? And the Jews, who couldn’t hide their contempt for me, who called me a half-Jew and a traitor behind my back, also couldn’t hide their awe and admiration when they gazed upon the Temple I built for them in Jerusalem. Their Wailing Wall is the West Wall of my Temple. It still stands, and they come to weep at it everyday and remember the glory I gave them. They’ve discovered it’s not the sort of thing you rebuild in three days. – Morons and maniacs… What more can I say? – I negotiated a kingdom as large as David made by war, and I built monuments and temples to rival Solomon. And all you know of me is this idle slander of a few babies killed in Bethlehem.

Of course I did some things no one feels good about. I eliminated rivals; courtiers and powerful citizens mostly, but some family members too. I had to execute my favourite wife, Mariamne, and grieved her bitterly for many years. I had already been forced to drown her brother, and subsequently had to terminate three sons. Do you imagine this was easy? Augustus joked, “It would be better to be Herod’s hog than his son”, but, knowing him, I think there was more admiration than insult in that remark. We do what we must do.

I do remember magi coming to Jerusalem, telling everyone that a new king had been born in Israel. What were they thinking? I gave them a private audience, and even helped them get their bearings. I sent them off to Bethlehem and, in return, they promised to let me know where I could find the child. I meant no harm, of course, just thought he’d be connected to a rival faction. Hoped we could negotiate, work something out. But everyone’s so suspicious. They somehow got it in their heads that I was out to hurt the boy. They broke their promise and fled. And his family, or clan, or whatever they were, went into hiding too. Treachery and betrayal! What can a ruler do? I’m not saying I did anything, mind you, or that I harmed anyone. But, if I had, who could really blame me? People, by their cowardice, suspicion and disloyalty, bring these things upon themselves and others.

And don’t insult us both with that silly, vacuous expression, as though you’ve never heard anything so shocking or so cruel. Do you not watch the evening news? Do you not read the paper, or People Magazine? We Herods haven’t gone anywhere. We’re still here in your parliaments and city councils; in your board rooms, banks and brothels. We’re winning all the games, gathering up the marbles, building our villas and fortresses at your expense. We are generous to you with your own money, and entertain you with our lifestyles; the houses, clothes and cars, and all the things you buy for us. We are in charge, and stay in charge, because we negotiate continually, and have the focus and resolve to do what must be done.

And, by the way, I’d still like to meet this Jesus of yours if you can tell me where to find him; all us Herods would. We like to know our rivals, and we’re always happy to negotiate. Of course we’ve heard that negotiation isn’t really his strong suit, but we’ll be more than willing to do whatever must be done.

Come on back and see me anytime, but bring some information when you come. It’s only fair and infinitely less than I deserve.